Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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