My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
