we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
