i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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