i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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