We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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