You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
