I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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