yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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