Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
