Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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