Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
