I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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