An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I currently don't understand fingers.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
