do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
