dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
