our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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