hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
