I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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