im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
