Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
