there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
