gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
