I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
