you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
