it was like eating out sand paper
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
