I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
