My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
