You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
