I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
