So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
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I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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