Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
