I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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