Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize
