if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
