chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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