I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I checked into jail on foursquare
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
