So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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