I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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