dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
