For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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