Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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