I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
