my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
