I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
