No awkward lesbian experiences without me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
