It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
