Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize