so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
