Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
