I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We just shotgunned beers for America
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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