U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
