I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
