how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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