I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
