So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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