I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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