you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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