The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
