Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
