i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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