hotel room ftw
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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