Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
