so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
