I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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