They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
