Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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