Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
