i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
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I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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