I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They took my balls.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
