Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
