SEEEEXXX PLEASE
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
