Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
