i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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