For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
