Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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