Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
